Last night I got all snarky with The Daughter.  She’d committed the grievous sin of losing two grocery receipts for shopping she’d done at my request and for which she needed reimbursement.

Even while I was being the Wicked Witch, I knew I was blowing things out of proportion.  I had a million excuses — I was tired, I was in pain, I was hungry, she should have known better….

It wasn’t until this morning that I realized what the real problem was.  I’m scared.

The Daughter is growing up.  She’s finishing up her sophomore year in high school.  In two short years, she’ll be finishing up her senior year and finalizing plans for leaving home and going off to college.  I have no illusions that she’ll ever come back.  Oh, sure, she’ll come home for a holiday or two.  Maybe even for a summer or two during college.  But she’s not the type to ever move back home.  She’s ready.  She’s chomping on the bit.  And that’s scary.

Now that I know what’s been bugging me lately, it’s easier to not let it fester and manifest in a snarky-witchy-you’ll-never-be-good-enough-so-let-me-harp-on-you-and-make-you-a-better-person mama manner.

Once I realized what the issue was, I knew I had to make things right.  And I needed to do it right away.  So at about noon today I sent The Daughter the following text message:

Sorry I went off on you about the receipts.  You’re a great kid. You’re responsible and trustworthy.  I love you with all my heart.

If age and experience have taught me anything, they’re taught me to understand how incredibly fragile life is, how strong and contagious love can be, and how some things are way more important than money.

So, to The Son and The Daughter — I want you to know that I love you both with my whole heart.  I love you more than life itself.  Being your mom has been the most incredible and rewarding experience of my life – light years beyond anything I could have imagined.  Just yesterday I was wiping drippy noses and dirty bottoms and singing “Itsy Bitsy Spider.”  Tomorrow you’ll be all grown up and on your own.  My most fervent hope is that someday you, too, will learn that some things are way more important than money.

Earlier this month, as reported in my Daily $$ entry, I spent a rather large chunk of change on some shaving equipment for The Son.  A week later, I spent another large amount of money on shaving product.  I imagine that some people will have trouble understanding how I could spend so much money on shaving equipment especially since the recipient of the equipment is a 13yo boy who has never even shaved before.  Well if you really want to know, get yourself a refreshment, pull up a chair, and read the story.

The boy in question is a tall, thin, slightly quirky youth of 13 years (he’ll turn 14 in August).  Although he’s taller than average, he looks younger than his peers.  He has a certain naive or unjaded look about him — he has always reminded me of a turtle without a shell.  Despite his youthful appearance, puberty is working it’s magic — the boy is becoming a man.  His voice dropped a full year ago — just dropped, overnight; not a single crack or break.  And he has a dark fuzzy caterpillar living over his upper lip and a few random wiry hairs growing out of his chin.  He’s not yet in need of a daily shave but I can see the day coming quickly when he will at least need a shave or two a week (well, okay maybe he’ll start with a shave every week or two and then move up from there).

When The Daughter was younger and starting down the puberty road, I knew what kind of equipment and information I needed to have on hand and I was prepared.  But with The Son I’m a little out of my element and I mistakenly assumed that The Husband would cover all of that (but that’s a different post altogether).

So far I’ve been able to negotiate these puberty-related issues (ie. protective cups for sports and “turn-and-cough” doctor’s appointments) but I’m still not very good at anticipating them in advance. As such, I’d never really put much thought into shaving equipment — what to get? When would it be needed? After all, I know quite a bit about shaving legs but I know nothing at all about shaving faces.

Then one day I came across an article by Glblguy at Gather Little By Little titled A Better Shave For Less Money.  Not long afterward, Brett (of The Art of Manliness and The Frugal Law Student) wrote about How To Shave Like Your Grandpa.  My foray into the art of shaving had begun.

Since reading those articles, I’ve gone on to do quite a bit of research on the subject of wet-shaving and have learned more about shaving than I ever thought possible.  I put this knowledge to use in deciding to introduce The Son to the concept of wet-shaving and in purchasing shaving equipment for him.

First, what is wet-shaving?  The term “wet-shaving” refers to the process of shaving with a lubricant and a razor as opposed to using an electric razor.

Other than during his various stints in the hospital, The Husband has always been a wet-shaver preferring the closer, smoother shave he gets with a wet shave to that of an electric razor.  As for myself, I know from experience that I get a much closer shave with a disposable razor and some soap than with an electric razor no matter what brand it is or what they promise.  Therefore, being wet-shavers ourselves, it simply never occurred to us to provide the son with anything other than a razor and some shaving cream.

But as I continued to read I quickly learned that there’s wet-shaving and then there’s classic wet-shaving.

The Husband is a wet-shaver. He uses an ancient Shick injector blade razor that I believe he’s owned for the better part of his adult life (mind you, he’s almost 73 so that’s a pretty long time). I’ve never seen him use a disposable razor but he speaks of them with the voice of experience so I assume that he has tried them at some point.  As for the shaving lubricant, The Husband uses Gillette’s lemon-line canned shaving foam.

As a real-razor user, The Husband was completely on board as far as buying The Son a real razor though he would have preferred to buy him a single-edge injector razor just like his own. Since no one makes single-edged razors (in fact, you can hardly even get the blades anymore), he had no option but to accept the idea of getting a double-edged razor (aka safety razor). However, being the kind of guy he is, The Husband balked at the idea of a badger brush and “classic” wet shaving. [What in the world is this “it was good enough for me” macho BS thing that men do? I really and truly do not understand that.]

Ah, but The Husband, in his ultimate wisdom, has left me in charge of guiding The Son through puberty.  That means I’m free to encourage The Son to try his hand at classic wet-shaving.

At first, the idea of using a real razor and a old-fashioned shaving brush appealed to me just because it seems so … classy. Now that I’ve done more research, I’m convinced that there are lots of compelling reasons to use a brush and shaving cream or soap over canned commercial foams. For one, canned shaving cream contains harsh chemicals. From what I’ve seen among the son’s shaving peers, shaving is tough on those adolescent faces. The chemicals and drying agents from canned foam and commercial aftershave are the last thing they need. Also, although there’s still waste from packaging, at least shaving creams and soaps don’t send empty aerosol cans to the landfills.

The practice of wet-shaving in general and classic wet-shaving (using a badger-hair brush with shaving cream/soap) have enjoyed a revival and there seems to be a thriving on-line wet-shaving subculture. 

This active sub-culture made educating myself on product, equipment, and technique an easy and interesting process.  Part of my self-education process has been to watch a number of excellent videos by Mantic59 on YouTube [his blog, his YouTube videos].  In addition, I’ve spent hours reading shaving boards [ShaveMyFace.com, BadgerandBlade.com, and The Shave Den] and perusing the offerings of on-line shaving equipment suppliers [Lee’s Safety Razors, Classic Shaving, and The Art of Shaving].  I even took a few trips to local malls to visit stores that carry men’s shaving products [Crabtree & Evelyn and The Art of Shaving].

Wet-shaving is fine but why go all out on equipment and product for The Son from the beginning?

This, folks, is the million dollar question.  And I don’t have a simple answer.  Some readers will get it, others won’t.

To be perfectly honest, the main reason is “because I can.”  My budget isn’t so tight that I can’t afford to take the risk that The Son will hate using a safety razor and a shaving brush.  But that’s just the surface answer.  The real answer is slightly more complicated but more important.

For one thing, The Son is very much a creature of habit.  I knew quite well that whatever method, equipment, and attitude The Son had toward his first shave would likely be the same 15 years and many, many shaves later. 

Secondly, there are those who argue that shaving with a razor and a brush are more economical in the long run.  With the proper care, the razor and brush I purchased could potentially last The Son his entire lifetime.  This post is already novel-length so I won’t to go into a full shaving cost analysis but the numbers I crunched show that even if he were to neglect and abuse his shaving equipment and need to replace it in 10 years, the cost of disposables is over twice that of a safety razor and blades.

Even if the equipment expense worked to to being equal, there’d still be the obvious advantage of a decreased environmental impact.  Yes, with classic wetshaving you do have used blades and empty shaving cream jars or tubes but that seems preferable to a hill of used disposable razors and empty aerosol cans.

If that weren’t enough, as I stated above, those harsh chemicals are hard on the skin.  I can’t think of better time for a “man” to baby his face with high-quality product than when he still has a baby face.

Why not start with beginner’s products, like a Pure Badger brush, and buy up later? 

Again, partly because I can.

But more so, why buy two brushes when just one will do?  Starting out with a lower-quality product would likely end up costing me more in the long run.

From everything I’ve read, men who use shaving brushes always end up upgrading to a better quality badger hair.  And if a lower-quality brush is likely to have an impact on the comfort and satisfaction of the shave, The Son is more likely to take to his shaving brush if it’s of higher quality.   Therefore I’ve increased the odds that he’ll become a life-time shaving brush user and lessened the odds that I’ve wasted my money by buying a high-quality brush.

Wouldn’t it be easier to learn how to shave with a disposable and move up to a safety razor?

I’m not a status buyer and I certainly don’t believe in throwing money away. But I do believe in buying quality and I do believe that we do best by our children when we provide them with real tools when they’re ready to handle them.

I expect that there will be a learning curve to using a safety razor and a shaving brush. But surely there would be a learning curve no matter what shaving method he used — even an electric razor. There’s no reason to expect that The Son will, in the long run, have any trouble figure out how to shave.

Couldn’t such a large expense be saved for a birthday or Christmas or some other existing gift-giving occasion?

Maybe this thought won’t occur to anyone else but it was a thought that I wrestled with.  In the end, it was The Daughter who helped me decide this issue. She could understand the reasoning for giving the equipment as a birthday gift, after all, it’s pretty expensive. But the fact is, needing to shave is a rite-of-passage. It’s a part of the puberty process and should be celebrated as such.  She reminded me of how we had celebrated her onset of puberty with a special ritual (she was allowed to get her ears pierced).  I thought she was “spot on” and I appreciated her insight and wisdom.

So, that’s the summary of our foray into the exiciting world of classic wet-shaving.  Moms and Dads, how did you deal with your sons?  Or for those with younger boys, any plans?  Dads, are you wet-shavers?  What’s your take on all of this?

Ah.  An honest-to-goodness no-spend day.  In other words, this wasn’t a delayed-spending no-spend day.  I had no pressing errands and no impending expenses that were simply put off for another day.

~ o o O o o ~

But is it really possible to have a no-spend day?  A day on which you don’t spend a single penny?  I would say no; it’s impossible for me to have a day completely free of any type of expense.  Why?  Because I have monthly bills.  Like a mortgage which represents 29, 30, or 31 days of use each month.  I lived in my house today.  And I used my furnace today to heat that house.  And I used electricity to wash and dry clothes, to light my house after dark, to run my computers and my dishwasher and even the TV.  And I drove both of our cars today — using gas, being insured, incurring wear-and-tear.  So, yes, it’s true that I did not make any direct purchases today.  But I did, in a way, spend money.

What do you think?

Loving my life …

I don’t know if it’s normal, but an evaluation of my life is always running in the back of my mind.  No, I don’t live the life I’d envisioned as teenager.  Yet, in all honesty, my life is not all that far away from the life I’ve always wanted.  Because, really, I’m very happy.

I know that a lot of people face much tougher circumstances that I do.  Still, my friends tend to walk on eggshells around me and the typical greeting of “how are you doing” seems to carry a little more weight (or trepidation) when asked of me than other friends.  Still, the truth is I’m doing very well.  I love my life and I feel incredibly blessed.

My Husband is such a source of strength and support.  It does take daily and sometimes hourly reminders to myself to feel grateful instead of fearful.  But in general it’s quite easy to give thanks for the overwhelming grace we’ve been given — for every second he is here with us, providing for us, showering us with his unconditional love, demonstrating his generosity of time and spirit.  He keeps our household running smoothly and bears the burdens of his disease and treatment without a single complaint.

The Daughter has a level of inner beauty and strength that defies description.  Despite the fact that she’s deeply in the throes of being a smart-aleck almost-16-year-old and hates everything that I do, say, and stand for, we enjoy a solid mother-daughter relationship filled with love and humor.  She works very hard at her schoolwork and has adjusted to the social and academic rigors of her private high school like a champ.  She is a constant source of worry for me and I fear she has some tough real-world lessons still to learn (don’t they all?).  My prayer is that I will continue to have the strength and resources to be there if and when she needs me to be.

The Son has got to be the sweetest 13-year-old on the planet.  But, quirky kid that he is, he exhausts me with the stress and worry he causes and the extra work he requires.  As I do more research into Autism and Asperger’s, however, I’ve begun to understand just how much I don’t have to deal with.  I sincerely hope it’s not offensive to be grateful for having a merely quirky kid and not one who’s officially on the spectrum.  Again, I pray for strength, guidance, wisdom, and patience.

My health is so much better than it was three years ago that a woman would indeed have to be an ungrateful fool to not wake up feeling blessed every single morning.  I’ve fully regained my speech.  Gone are the palsies and the awkward gait.  Although my memory is not back to full-speed, I’d estimate a 95% recovery of cognitive function.  The chronic pain of the Fibromyalgia – yeah, sometimes it gets me down.  But overall I experience fewer pain-filled days than pain-less ones and for that I am truly grateful.  I really should make an appointment for that surgery I need and just get it over with but I’m a skilled procrastinator.  It’s what I do best — well, that and worry.  I just can’t seem to find a block of time on the calendar that shouts out to me, “here’s a convenient time to be incapacitated!”

Our house has truly become a home.  It’s a humble little abode lost in a sea of suburbia surrounded by super churches and people who actually consume Rainbow bread and Twinkies.  But it’s my humble abode — well, it will be in another 24 or so years  ;-)   So far we’ve remodeled the kitchen, replaced the original carpet and linoleum with 3/4″ oak floors, remodeled the two main-floor bathrooms, and replaced the original 25-year-old refrigerator with a sleek, new french-door, bottom-freezer Amana.  The next steps are to refinish the deck, replace the garage door, repaint the exterior, and do some landscaping.

But I will be the first to admit that loving my life …

 … is easier with money.

I can’t even begin to imagine the stress of dealing with the curveballs of life without a solid financial situation.  We’re not rich but we’re doing pretty well.  We have a mortgage.  And a car loan (at 1.9% financing it was in our best interests to leave our cash in the bank where it will earn higher interest until needed).  But we have no comsumer debt.  When emergencies happen, all of our energy and concern can go to our child with none of our energy siphoned off in worry about how we’ll pay the bill.

Happy Tuesday, everyone.

I’ve spent the past few weeks pondering the role of this blog in my life and the direction I want to take it and whether I want to even take it in any direction at all.

I’ve come to a few conclusions but I still have unanswered questions/uncertain feelings too.  I’ve decided to move ahead with the ideas and let the rest of it sit and percolate for a while longer.

This blog’s direction and purpose:

At the time that I started this blog, I had another “daily life” type of blog that I considered my main outlet for thoughts, feelings, and philosophical ponderings about life, parenthood, life after health crises, and marriage to a terminally-ill husband.

The Daily Dollar Diary was supposed to be just that — a secondary blog recording my daily expenditures – sort of a social experiment allowing everyone and anyone to see how one suburban housewife spent the family’s money.  I intended to be as transparent and anonymous as possible and  I really hadn’t thought either way about whether I’d write additional finance-related posts.

Then, in the shuffle of moving from one host to another rather suddenly, something went terribly wrong.  Long story short – my main blog got lost.  I stopped blogging but after a while I really starting missing the outlet.  Not yet ready to pick up and start all over again with my main blog, I revived my Daily Dollar Dairy.  Just for the fun of it.  I certainly didn’t start out to become a Personal Finance blogger.

Why?  Well, for one thing, personal finance was something I’d never really thought about.  The Husband and I enjoy fairly traditional roles (at least outwardly) in that he makes the money and I spend it.  He balances the checkbooks, pays the bills, and knows how much we have and where it is.  I know who wears what size and likes what color, when a birthday is approaching and who to ask for gift ideas, and what needs to be replaced or what can be repaired — and who to talk to to get it done.

Beyond the fact that personal finance isn’t a subject I’d previously spent much time thinking about, there’s also the fact that I am by no means an expert and have no special organizational or financial skills.  I’ve had a lot of fun, so far, posting my daily expenditures, writing the occasional maintenance tip or product review, and reading lots of personal finance blogs.  But, at the same time, I’ve been floundering trying to find a place in the Personal Financial blogosphere that feels like home for me and my blog.  I don’t fit into the journey-out-of-debt category because I’m not in debt.  I don’t fit into the I’m-rich-and-here’s-how-I-did-it category because I’m not and I didn’t.  I certainly don’t fit into the amateur-investing-advice or credit-card-arbitrage-game categories since the sum total of my investing experience is buying GE stock on Sharebuilder and the closest we get to credit-card arbitrage is to make all of our purchases on a credit cards and then pay the bills in full before the due date, occasionally getting dividends or other rebate incentives as a result of our credit card usage.

Mainly, I feel uncomfortable giving advice because I’m just an average Joe muddling my way through life and money and the last thing the world needs is another self-important, pompous average Joe — the world and the blogosphere are full of people like that.  Who the heck am I to tell you what’s a good use of your money or how much to save?

Although I am loathe to blog from an “advice” standpoint, I do enjoy sharing my experiences and viewpoints.  Likewise, the blogs I enjoy reading and find myself returning to again and again are the ones in which the author simply shares stories and personal perspectives.  In my experience, self-proclaimed experts are full of hot air and not worth my time and energy.  I’d much rather hear how half a dozen different families have dealt with the issue of allowance than read what what one bloated blogger with a 2-year old thinks is the best way to teach kids how to be money savvy.  I, too, was once a foremost expert on childrearing — until I had kids.  In my book, humility goes a long way.

So, after weeks of pondering and reading and soul-searching, I’ve decided to make my Daily Dollar Dairy the type of blog that I love to read — a personal record of my journey through all things related to money and personal finance from my own unique perspective.  I will tell my readers how I spend my money and why I spend my money but I will not advise them how to spend theirs (and if I cross that line, dear readers, I ask that you call me on it).  I will share when I save money and where I save it and how much it is or isn’t earning in interest but I will not presume to tell you how much to save, what type of fund to save it in, or whether or not you could get a better deal elsewhere.

Upcoming Posting Changes:

I’ve decided to create a basic schedule of topics on which I’d like to post in addition to my daily expenditure reports.  I’m a little afraid of doing this and a little reluctant to announce it because quite likely I’m biting off more than I can chew and will faily miserably at maintaining the schedule.  But, nothing ventured, nothing gained, right?  Besides, in creating this schedule, I’ve given myself full permission to get off-track if my real-life schedule gets in the way or my health situation makes keeping up difficult.

Here’s my planned posting schedule:

• Monday — Maintenance Monday: tips, reminders, etc.
• Tuesday — Day of Discovery:  self-reflection, philosophical ponderings, or just some tidbit I learned recently
• Wednesday — Kids & Money: need I say more? 
• Thursday — The Art of Shopping:  the zen of finding good deals, being a wise consumer, and product reviews
• Friday — Carnivals and Link Love

Upcoming Blog Changes:

I’ve gone around and around on the issue of monetizing my blog.  Monetizing blogs is an issue on which I am more than a little torn.  For me, the line between a blogger making a little side income on affiliate links or Google Adsense ads blurs very quickly into feeling like revenue is the main purpose of the blog and the text and articles a secondary effort.  Yes, I’m admittedly a little cynical but doesn’t it strike you as a little crass for a site about digging your way out of consumer debt to display ads for payday loans and credit card offers?

After much thought, I’ve made two decisions about monetizing my blog:  1) I’m going limit my blog’s advertisements to hand-picked affiliates that will be listed in the left-hand column and a separate Affiliates page and 2) 50% of all affiliate income generated on my blog will be donated to a charity of my choosing and the other 50% will be divided between my children’s college savings accounts.

The companies that I choose as affiliates will have to meet certain criteria — they will either be companies and/or products that I have positive personal experience with and personally recommend or they will be companies and/or products that have a good reputation or have been recommended to me by a trusted source.  I give you my solemn promise that you will not find ads for Payday loans or get-rich-quick schemes on my blog.

Requesting Feedback:

If you are so inclined, I would truly appreciate any feedback you might have to offer on my blog.  My readership isn’t huge and is, at the moment, fairly static.  I’m not blogging to become famous nor do I have any type of subscribership, but I’m definitely interested in producing a quality and readable product.  I’m am curious as to why vistors are here and why they come back.  If you have anything to say about the type of posts you find interesting or any comments on my writing style or suggestions for future topics, please contact me — either in the comments or via email (see the graphic in the upper left column).

Tomorrow is the first day of a new year and I’m excited about some of my financial and budgeting goals and resolutions. 

Goals:

YNAB Budget
December marks the third full month of using my YNAB Pro Budgeting Software* and I’m excited to get a fresh new start tomorrow.  Instead of rolling over my 2007 data into 2008, The Husband and I have agreed to start the new year with a fresh new budget.  He has agreed to share all of his expense and income info with me so I can combine it with my receipts for a complete and accurate family budget instead of the more “household” budget I’ve been keeping so far.

Don’t get me wrong — my husband has never hidden money or info from me.  It’s just that he’s better at detail stuff and has always been the one to pay the bills — a task I willingly handed over.  I, as the stay-at-home-mom, am in charge of 99% of the family purchases — a task he willingly leaves in my capable hands.  In other words, we each do what we do best:  he makes the money and I spend it 

Since purchasing and setting up the YNAB software, I’ve been sharing the data with him and he’s gone from sceptical to cautiously interested to an as-long-as-I-don’t-have-to-do-it convert.

I’m really excited about this step forward for two reasons.  One, even though we’re definitely living within our means (spending less than we earn), I think we could easily trim our expenses without feeling a pinch.  I’d like to take an active role in putting more into savings every year and spending our money a little more consciously and wisely.  And, two, as much as I’ve learned not to live in fear of tomorrow, I can’t hide from the fact that my husband is old and sick and the odds simply are not in his favor to be around for another 30 years (he’d be 103).  The more informed I am about how much money we have and where it is, the better off I’ll be if and when he can no longer handle our finances.

So, put simply, that goal is to enter absolutely every expense and income — no matter what the source — into our YNAB program in 2008.

Not Paper or Plastic!
Another much simpler and somewhat silly goal is to keep track of how many bags I don’t use — in all my shopping, not just at the grocery store — by using my four ChicoBags* instead.  I also want to track how much bag credit I earn over the course of the year by using those same bags.  I plan to keep track of both the number of bags and the total bag credits earned in the side column of my blog.

If you’d care to join me in this challenge, please sign up in the comments below and we’ll do regular check-ins on our challenge status.

Resolutions:

No KnickKnacks or Trinkets
I’m not one prone to purchasing knick-knacks or trinkets but every once in a while I go all nutty and buy something silly for around the house.  Why do I do that?  They always end up being a waste of money as well as a waste of space and energy.  Knick-Knacks and trinkets take up space and they gather dust.  I resolve to not buy anything resembling a knick-knack or trinket for my house and I expect my readers to call me on it if they find anything like that in my daily $$ postings.  The one exception is artwork.  I do not consider artwork for my walls to be knick-knacks or trinkets and my walls are pretty pathetically bare.  I am slowly and carefully trying to remedy that situation.

Returns
I would say that my most costly weakness is un-returned merchandise.  I get heart palpatations when I think how many things I have lying around the house that I own but don’t use simply because I never got around to returning them.  If I were to kick just one bad habit, this would be it.  I resolve to end the year 2008 without adding a single item to my collection of non-returned items.

Culture and Life-Enrichment
The one area in my budget that has been most neglected is that of cultural and life-enriching events.  I have nothing at all budgeted for taking the children to concerts, plays, and other cultural events.  I resolve to correct that oversight in 2008.  I will create a category in my budget so that when I hear of an event that I know we’d enjoy, I will already have money set aside and won’t cringe at the price per ticket and say we can’t afford it.

I had an interesting conversation with the clerk at Kohl’s today.

While conducting the transaction, I mentioned that I had to guess as to how much to put on the gift card because I couldn’t remember how much I’d already spent on this particular grandchild.

As I heard myself say this, it occurred to me how much difference there is in my shopping techniques for my immediate family as opposed to my shopping techniques for extended family.

The clerk was commisterating — she said she’d raised seven children and she was always careful to spend the same amount on each child.  Apparently the children were very conscious of whether their presents were of the same value as the other children.

This is not how I shop for my children.  On Christmas, I generally try to have the same number of gifts for my children.  How much I spend on each just isn’t part of the equation.  This year I think I’ve spent a good 3 or 4 times as much on The Daughter as I have on The Son.  Sometimes, for birthdays, we spend $50; sometimes nearly 10 times that much.  It all depends on what the child wants or the inspiration that strikes that year.

Shopping for the grandchildren and my nieces and nephews is different.  Generally, I try to spend the same amount on each child (or each family, if I’m buying a combined family gift).

In thinking about this I’ve realized that there’s something deeper going on here.

When I’m shopping from the deep, shopping-from-love-trying-to-find-just-that-right-gift place, it really doesn’t matter how much I spend.  Sometimes that perfect gift costs $5.  Sometimes $50.  What matters is that it’s just the right gift for the right person at the right time.  I love that kind of shopping.

When I’m shopping from the I-feel-obligated place, it’s much more important to spend an equal amount on each person.  Yes, I’m making an effort to buy something that the receipient will want and hopefully enjoy.  But when push comes to shove, I’m buying because I need to give that person a gift.  This type of shopping is unpleasantly stressful.

How do you shop?  Do you pay more attention to the amount you spend?  Or the number of gifts?  Or something else entirely?

Today’s been a nice, restful, quiet Sunday for my family.  I’ve spent the afternoon puttering and pondering.  Right in the middle of folding laundry, at the end of a convoluted train-of-thought, I heard myself think the phrase getting your money’s worth and my brain did a little double-take.  Getting your money’s worth — what exactly does that mean?  How do I measure whether or not I’ve gotten my money’s worth on a purchase or expenditure?

After some thought I’ve come to a few conclusions:

First, the determination is completely subjective.  Purchases and experiences that meet my money’s worth criteria might completely fail if subjected to The Husband’s (or The Daughter’s or The Son’s or your) criteria.

Second, the determination criteria is not static.  A purchase that would resoundingly meet my money’s worth criteria today could very well fail next week’s criteria simply because my criteria might be different next week.  Most certainly things that I considered worth my money 20 years ago aren’t even on the radar today — and vice versa.

Third, the amount of money spent has little or nothing to do with money’s worth.  I’ve made purchases for under a dollar that were definitely not worth my money.  Conversely, I’ve spent thousands, tens of thousands, even hundreds of thousands of dollars (in the case of our house) on items on which I feel very confidently that I’ve gotten my money’s worth.

Fourth, degree of pleasure derived is only a small percentage of overall money’s worth criteria.  I was surprised at how little the issue of “did it bring me pleasure” played into my consideration.  I would not consider myself a pleasure-seeker, still I expected pleasure derived to play a much larger part in my judging process.

Fifth, time is a very important factor.  A product has to survive the “honeymoon” period before it can truly be deemed worth the money.  And a purchase can lose it’s worth the money designation at any point if something goes wrong.

As I look around my house, I’m looking at things with a fresh pair of eyes.  What have I bought or done lately that has been worth my money?  Are there any mistakes I’m making over and over again?  The next time I’m shopping, I’m going ask myself some tough questions.  Maybe I can raise my money-spent to money’s-worth ratio.

The Women’s Personal Finance Network (of which I am a proud member) is currently highlighting the subject of How to Raise Financially Responsible Children.  I have a lot of thoughts on this issue — some of which I’ve already shared on this blog in my Kids and Money category.  Other thoughts will come out in the coming weeks and months.

I do consider educating my children on the basics of finance to be a moral imperative.  As with all subjects, I approach the subject of finances from three different directions.

First, I do my best to convey the facts in an unbiased and logical manner.  There are many objective facts that children should be acquainted with before they leave the nest — things like compounded interest (interest you earn and interest you pay), balancing a checkbook, taxes, etc.

Second, I share with my children my subjective views on all things money and finance.  When should quality trump quantity and vice versa?  How important is money when considering a career path; how does having money affect people and relationships and how does not having any money affect people and relationships?  I try to be honest with my kids about what I value; on what I will spend money and will not spend my money on; on what I consider to be money well spent and money sorely wasted.

Third, I make an effort to be as frank, objective, and as open as possible regarding conflicting viewpoints.  For example, I choose to not spend any money at all on beauty products but I don’t expect, require, or demand my daughter share those same values.  The point of this angle is evaluate how other people spend their money; to explore and discuss other paradigms of fiscally responsible behavior that differs from the way The Husband and I do things.  I’m sure there are many women with dozens of pairs of shoes and a whole array of make-up who live within their means ;-) 

All parents know that the best way to avoid meltdowns and tantrums is to leave the children at home when you shop.  Of course, we also know that shopping without the kids is a pipe-dream, a logistical impossibility.

Today I’m going to share with you my sure-fire, tried-and-true method for avoiding the gimmes while shopping with children.

Never, ever, under any circumstances, purchase anything for your child for their immediate consumption while shopping.

There are many variations on the parents-trying-to-survive-shopping-with-kids theme and I’ve witnessed them all.  Buying a toy or a treat or a snack and then either giving it to the child to keep them quiet and placated or holding it in reserve as a reward/bribe for their good behavior during shopping.

No matter what the variation, don’t do it!

The cardinal rule for shopping with children is to never establish a correlation between shopping and acquisition.

Don’t get me wrong — I am not advocating torture or deprivation or cruelty.  I’ve been happily shopping with children for 15 years now and my children are anything but deprived.  But they also, never to this day, have asked me for a candy bar or other treat at the grocery store or for a toy or game or any other trinket for their immediate pleasure.  My children do not equate shopping with immediate gratification because they’ve grown up with the complete and total absence of immediate gratification while shopping.

Shopping is a necessary chore — something we do because we need something — be it food or clothes or a gift for cousin Bob.  Sometimes we buy things that weren’t on the shopping list but these things always go into the cart and from the cart to the bag and from the bag to the car and from the car to the house where it is then put away in its proper place until it is needed.

I’m a practical woman and also a bit of a soft touch.  Even though I never made an immediate gratification purchase for my children while shopping, the doesn’t mean that I didn’t see to their needs and wants.  With rare exceptions, my children always had something to eat and something to play with during our shopping excursions.  All it takes is a little bit of forethought and planning.

The key is to keep it special.  When my kids were little, I always kept a stash of finger food in the cupboard that was saved for special occasions like boo boos and shopping trips – snacks like Goldfish, Sunspire candies, animal crackers, etc.  Costco has huge plastic tubs of yummy cinnamon alphabet cookies and big bags of trail mix that my kids loved.  I found that the snack that worked the best at keeping my kids occupied and happy were bags of mixed snacks (a combination of fishies, candies, letters, etc) — good for occupying little minds as well as hands and mouths.  Of course, these snacks will leave the kids thirsty so don’t forget the juice box or travel sippy cup!

The same goes for toys — keep it special.  Just as I held snacks in reserve, I also kept toys in reserve just for shopping.  And here, too, variety works best.  After some trial and error, I finally established three or four small bags containing a collection of toys. Then I’d rotate the bags so the toys wouldn’t become familiar and boring.  Matchbox cars and Little Rollies vehicles and animals were among my kids’ favorites.  When they were a bit older, a Dover little activity books would keep them well occupied.  The bags of toys stayed in the car, tucked into the glove box or trunk and came out only for a shopping excursion.  Once shopping was done, the toys went back into the bag.

My kids learned to look forward to shopping trips as an opportunity to munch on a special snack and play with special toys — not as an opportunity to wheedle a purchase out of mom.