Good Thing I’m Not a Coffee Drinker

I don’t drink cof­fee.  In fact, I have never, in all my 44 years, had a cup of cof­fee.  Why?  I don’t know.  I guess because I hate the smell.

No mat­ter my orig­i­nal rea­sons for eschew­ing Java, the list of ben­e­fits just increased from two to three.

1. We all know about the “Latte fac­tor.”  I’m not inclined to try to cal­cu­late some hypo­thet­i­cal amount of money I’ve saved over the years by not drink­ing cof­fee because there been other drinks I’ve sub­sti­tuted over the years (ie. colas and, more recently, Odwalla juices).  Still, it seems safe to say, based on the fre­quency that most cof­fee drinkers indulge, I def­i­nitely saved some money by never tak­ing up the cof­fee habit.
2. About 7 or 8 years ago I dis­cov­ered that I’m aller­gic to caf­feine.  Aller­gic as in debil­i­tat­ing migraines (that’s prob­a­bly an oxy­moron).  Luck­ily all I had to give up was the occa­sional Cof­fee Nip candy con­sumed on long, cross-country road trips.

And now, today, I dis­cov­ered a third rea­son to be grate­ful that I never picked up the cof­fee habit — sci­en­tists have shown that drink­ing a lot of cof­fee decreases the size of a woman’s breasts!

I will tell you, I put the “flat” in flat-chested.  I can’t fill out a AA cup.  The only wig­gle in my walk comes from my lower half.

All I can say is it’s a good thing they didn’t dis­cover that drink­ing lots of cof­fee decreases a woman’s hip size.

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