$$: Surrogate Spending & Lessons Learned by a 16-yo

Posted on | October 27, 2008 |

It being a Monday and me not having a car at my disposal today, I stayed at home and didn’t spend a dime. At least not directly.

The Daughter did a fine job of spending money for me. To be sure, it was her money to spend in that she has about $350 saved up in her clothing allowance/budget. Plus, she did call and ask my permission to skip swim practice and engage in some shopping instead.

Actually, today’s shopping experience demonstrated to me just how effective our clothing allowance system, in particular, and our overall fiscal philosophy, in general, have been in shaping her attitudes toward spending money.

The Daughter wanted to go shopping alone but she ended up calling me from her cell phone three times. She needed a sounding board and I was quite pleased that she trusted me enough to discuss her dilemma.

The problem, she explained, was that she wants two new pair of shoes for this fall/winter. She wants a pair of tennis shoes but not athletic shoes; everyday casual school sneakers. But she also wants a pair of boots. Something along the lines of Ugg boots but without the price and the label.

Turns out she’d found a pair of black suede Ecko Red sneakers with some gold bling that she really liked and she felt would be versatile (don’t ask me to explain because I don’t get it myself; I’m just telling you what she said). These sneakers were on sale for $25 and she’d asked the clerk to hold them for her. Then she’d run across the street and found a pair of Addidas sneakers that she loved but they were over twice the price. Plus they were white with some pink stripes and therefore might not be quite as versatile as the first. Not to mention how long white sneakers are going to look white. What to do!?!

We discussed the issue for a while. Now, you don’t get to be the mother of a 16-yo without learning a thing or two. And the one thing I know for sure, when The Daughter asks me for advice she is NOT asking me for fashion advice. Had I fallen into the trap of evaluating the need or practicality of either pair of shoes, the conversation would have stopped there. No, The Daughter was looking for some help in how to evaluate the decision facing her. What was the best way to get the best bang for her buck.

If you know me at all, you’ll know that the obvious answer is rarely the right one so I can assure you I did not automatically try to convince her that she should buy the cheaper shoes. Paying half the price for a pair of shoes that end up sitting in the back of the closet is definitely NOT a wiser decision than spending twice as much on a pair of shoes that get worn several times a week.

After doing my best to clarify exactly what The Daughter’s dilemma was, here’s what I came up with: since it sounded like the boots were her highest priority, I suggested that she concentrate on buying them first. Then, once the boots were found and purchased and she knew how much she had left to spend on casual shoes, that’s when she should look at sneakers. As far as which pair to get, I cautioned her against settling on either pair if neither one was exactly what she wanted.

Naturally, The Daughter didn’t follow any of my advice. Well, not directly. But she did listen and I feel she truly heard, processed, and internalized my advice. That she didn’t follow it does not bother me in the least.

Since she’s been so busy lately, she hasn’t done enough looking around to know exactly what’s available in the way of boots. She has a pretty clear idea of what she wants and has no intention of buying until she finds the right thing at the right price. Because she’s not close to making a boot purchase, and she feels like casual shoes are a pretty high priority, she decided it didn’t make sense to wait until after she’d purchased boots.

She ended up buying the black sneakers and feels good about the purchase. They’re bling enough to make her happy without being so bling that they will be specialized and limited in regard to where and when and with what she can wear them. She decided she simply could not justify spending nearly $60 on a pair of shoes. Now that’s my girl.

The rest of her purchases were pretty standard fare for her — several fun but practical tops for excellent prices; a few essentials like camis — the building blocks of every outfit she wears; and a pair of pants and a pair of sweats — both practical items for good prices.

What I love about this exercise is the degree to which she’s putting thought into her purchases. Is it versatile? Is it practical? Will it coordinate with what I already have? What’s the fabric content, what are the wash instructions, and how well will it hold up over time?

After The Daughter had returned home and shown everyone what she’d purchased (a long-standing ritual in our house), The Daughter and I engaged in another conversation — this one about quality vs. fashion. The Daughter is very clear that at this point in her life she is not interested in purchasing items for the long term. She’s not in the least bit interested in whether a shirt will last (in terms of durability and in terms of fashion) for another 10 years. And although I always think in terms of longevity (durability and fashion), I do respect that she’d clear that those simply are not her priorities at the moment. She doesn’t want her clothes to fall apart after the first wash, but she has no need for them to last longer than two or three years. She wants to be in style. And I can respect that.

So here’s the lowdown:

Shoe Carnival — $25.82 — black suede sneakers with gold bling

Old Navy — $15.06 — two tops

Aeropostale — $45.37 – sweat pants, khakis, a polo shirt, a cami, and a third top (the sales ticket states she saved $74.51)

It is clear to me that having The Daughter on a monthly clothing budget is teaching her to analyze her purchasing decisions to a degree that would otherwise not happen if I simply took her clothes shopping. Her clothing budget is her money, she knows it’s a finite amount, she takes full responsibility for applying past lessons learned, and she has a vested interest in getting the most for her money. I am quite confident that when she goes off to college two years from now, she’ll be an old pro at handling her money and living within a budget.

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