Loving My Life …

Posted on | January 12, 2008 |

Loving my life …

I don’t know if it’s normal, but an evaluation of my life is always running in the back of my mind.  No, I don’t live the life I’d envisioned as teenager.  Yet, in all honesty, my life is not all that far away from the life I’ve always wanted.  Because, really, I’m very happy.

I know that a lot of people face much tougher circumstances that I do.  Still, my friends tend to walk on eggshells around me and the typical greeting of “how are you doing” seems to carry a little more weight (or trepidation) when asked of me than other friends.  Still, the truth is I’m doing very well.  I love my life and I feel incredibly blessed.

My Husband is such a source of strength and support.  It does take daily and sometimes hourly reminders to myself to feel grateful instead of fearful.  But in general it’s quite easy to give thanks for the overwhelming grace we’ve been given — for every second he is here with us, providing for us, showering us with his unconditional love, demonstrating his generosity of time and spirit.  He keeps our household running smoothly and bears the burdens of his disease and treatment without a single complaint.

The Daughter has a level of inner beauty and strength that defies description.  Despite the fact that she’s deeply in the throes of being a smart-aleck almost-16-year-old and hates everything that I do, say, and stand for, we enjoy a solid mother-daughter relationship filled with love and humor.  She works very hard at her schoolwork and has adjusted to the social and academic rigors of her private high school like a champ.  She is a constant source of worry for me and I fear she has some tough real-world lessons still to learn (don’t they all?).  My prayer is that I will continue to have the strength and resources to be there if and when she needs me to be.

The Son has got to be the sweetest 13-year-old on the planet.  But, quirky kid that he is, he exhausts me with the stress and worry he causes and the extra work he requires.  As I do more research into Autism and Asperger’s, however, I’ve begun to understand just how much I don’t have to deal with.  I sincerely hope it’s not offensive to be grateful for having a merely quirky kid and not one who’s officially on the spectrum.  Again, I pray for strength, guidance, wisdom, and patience.

My health is so much better than it was three years ago that a woman would indeed have to be an ungrateful fool to not wake up feeling blessed every single morning.  I’ve fully regained my speech.  Gone are the palsies and the awkward gait.  Although my memory is not back to full-speed, I’d estimate a 95% recovery of cognitive function.  The chronic pain of the Fibromyalgia – yeah, sometimes it gets me down.  But overall I experience fewer pain-filled days than pain-less ones and for that I am truly grateful.  I really should make an appointment for that surgery I need and just get it over with but I’m a skilled procrastinator.  It’s what I do best — well, that and worry.  I just can’t seem to find a block of time on the calendar that shouts out to me, “here’s a convenient time to be incapacitated!”

Our house has truly become a home.  It’s a humble little abode lost in a sea of suburbia surrounded by super churches and people who actually consume Rainbow bread and Twinkies.  But it’s my humble abode — well, it will be in another 24 or so years  ;-)   So far we’ve remodeled the kitchen, replaced the original carpet and linoleum with 3/4″ oak floors, remodeled the two main-floor bathrooms, and replaced the original 25-year-old refrigerator with a sleek, new french-door, bottom-freezer Amana.  The next steps are to refinish the deck, replace the garage door, repaint the exterior, and do some landscaping.

But I will be the first to admit that loving my life …

 … is easier with money.

I can’t even begin to imagine the stress of dealing with the curveballs of life without a solid financial situation.  We’re not rich but we’re doing pretty well.  We have a mortgage.  And a car loan (at 1.9% financing it was in our best interests to leave our cash in the bank where it will earn higher interest until needed).  But we have no comsumer debt.  When emergencies happen, all of our energy and concern can go to our child with none of our energy siphoned off in worry about how we’ll pay the bill.

Related Posts for Further Reading

• $$: Coyote Sighting Edition
• A Son’s Epiphany and A Mother’s Lesson
• $$: Food & Clothes
• $$: Church & the Mall
• $$: Groceries, an Odwalla, & “Harvey”
• $$: Doctor & Panda Express (plus unreported expenses)

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