Doctor’s Office — $25.00
Our co-pay under our new insurance is $5.00 higher than it used to be but I’ve seen the full bill for these visits so I’m not going to complain too much. This was a quickie visit — The Daughter had her second of three Gardasil shots. They are very painful. I’m not big into immunizations but after a lot of thought and conversation with The Daughter, The Husband, and several people in the medical field (nurses, doctors, etc), we decided to do this one. The Daughter is 15; we started the shots at her 15-yo physical. They are recommending these for 11-yo’s but the effectiveness of the shot is only thought to last 5 years. Doesn’t that mean that the effectiveness will be wearing off at the very, very, very minimum age at which a parent would imagine their child needing an immunization against an STD? Anyway, other than the physical pain that the shot produces, I’m at peace with our decision to have her immunized and glad that we started them at the age that we did.

Let’s be honest here. I don’t know about you but I can go only so long being frugal and keeping to bare-bones purchases. But eventually, the dam breaks and I finally break down and make purchases that I’ve been pondering or putting off as non-essential. And when the dam breaks, it’s usually not a single, simple non-essential purchase. No, it’s usually a string of non-essential purchases. Well, today was the day my dam broke Let’s hope I got that out of my system for a while and I can go back to a few weeks of regularly scheduled frugal living.

Costco — $38.66
The Tank’s tank was again just below the half-way mark but since I was going right by there this morning I thought it would be a good time to fill up. I noticed that the price of gas is creeping up; it is going up everywhere?

I pumped 14.270 gallons at $2.709/gallon. The odometer reads 115,829.

T.J. Maxx — $22.61
Here’s where I went “nuts.” I really need to stay out of T.J. Maxx and Marshalls. Anyway, I went in looking for picture frames and ended up finding an armband for my iPod Nano and this really cool pair of Merkury Docking headphones that you plug your Nano into.

I stood there forever trying to decide whether or not to get the headphones. I simply cannot use the NordicTrack without music — my ADD-tortured brain goes absolutely nuts about 5 minutes into exercising if I don’t have music to listen to and even then sometimes I just cannot do it. I wanted the armband because I often don’t have a place to put my Nano when I’m exercising so I was thrilled to find one for $5.99.

But then I saw the headphones and suddenly life was complicated. I’d found the armband I wanted but the headphones looked really cool. And potentially very practical. See, we only have two pair of earbuds between The Son, The Daughter, and I and no one likes to share with The Son because, well, ear wax issues. Yuck. Plus a few weeks ago The Daughter shared the fact that earbuds increase ear bacteria by some phenomenal amount and I haven’t felt the same about using my Nano while I exercise since then. The earphones would avoid the whole earbuds dilemma.

I finally decided to buy them. They were on sale for $15.00 and I confirmed with the store manager that they could returned within 30 days even if the package were opened. Normally my gear-head self would be thrilled with the purchase. But my newly rediscovered financial conservatism is just not letting me feel good about the purchase. I’ll probably get over it

Oh, and I discovered I’d paid a Stupid Tax. I’m a regular at T.J. Maxx but not in the men’s department. I discovered today that I could have saved myself a lot of money if I’d gone here instead of Sports Authority when shopping for basketball-related clothing last week. C’est la vie.

REI — $36.73
This was my original errand this morning and was my second unbridled, the-dam-has-broken-and-money’s-spilling-out-everywhere purchase of the day. And it wasn’t even noon yet! I bought four 32-oz Nalgene water bottles. Two pink ones for The Daughter and two green ones for The Son. I don’t feel bad about paying $8.50 per bottle (I couldn’t find a better price after factoring in shipping anywhere on-line) for Nalgene because 1) I have very strong opinions about the kids drinking enough water when they exercise or participate in sports and 2) the non-leeching qualities of the nalgene plastic.

The big issue I faced was having to buy four bottles all at once. We used to have one 32-oz nalgene but it has disappeared as things will when you have kids — of course, they’d say that I lose things too but don’t listen to them, they don’t know what they’re talking about. We have smaller nalgene bottles that are great for school because they fit into the little mesh pockets on the sides of the backpacks/messenger bags but the 32-oz size is ideal for sports activities. I’m not sure about The Daughter but I know The Son needs two bottles for each practice. So I bought two each and made it clear that The Daughter will never, under any circumstances, even with the permission of her brother, use the green bottles. And, likewise, The Son, will not, under penalty of major mommy wrath, use his sister’s pink bottles.

Target — $49.00
Not only was this trip made on a frugal-dam-breakdown day, but it was also taken late in the evening with The Daughter. I was hungry, tired, in pain, and just a wee bit grumpy. It could have been a SWI disaster. It actually wasn’t too bad though.

My one completely un-frugal purchase was a picture frame that, as it turns out, will have to be returned. I’ve really been itching to buy some frames so I can hang some of the terrific photos from the kids’ recent studio photo shoot and have done some comparison shopping at Costco, T.J. Maxx, Hobby Lobby, and Target. I like Target’s selection best and I’m trying to wait for a sale but I don’t know that I can hold off completely until then. I’ve been thinking maybe I’d frame just one or two photos now and a few more if and when I find some frames on sale. So I found one tonight that will hold two 5×7’s and was excited to get it home and put it to use. But it turns out that I don’t have any two shots that will work together in the same frame. The photo of The Son is against a black background but it’s on a landscape orientation whereas The Daughter’s solo shot, also on a black background, is on a portrait orientation. Also, some photos are on a white background which wouldn’t look good against the frame’s off-white matting. Oh well, I’ll return the frame and pick up one for a single 8×10 photo and get the cutest photo up on a wall. Then I’ll patiently wait for a sale — or not.

• picture frame — $19.99
• Tide — $12.89
• Glad wrap — $2.99
• Sunsilk shampoo (for The Daughter) — $2.99
• box of safety pins (also for the Daughter) - $1.49
• pair of Hallowe’en socks (yes, for The Daughter) — $4.99

Whole Foods — $19.89
A quick stop for dinner-fixings on the way home from taking The Daughter to practice tonight. The Son had his first lesson in making a white sauce/gravy. We baked the chicken breasts in the white sauce then served it over noodles. We also baked sweet potatoes. And served a salad. A little heavy on the starches but yummy nonetheless

• 2 whole chicken breasts — $11.67
• store-brand Fusille organic pasta — $1.29
• 2 cans Bearitos organic vegetarian refried beans — $1.79/ea
• 3 organic barlett pears — $2.67

in figurative sense, that is. I really wanted two side columns but like the color and layout that I had. So I’ve found a template with 3 columns and now I’m trying to get the colors and layout right. Please bear with me. And get used to things changing. It’s a habit I picked up from my mom; I’m one of those people who moves the furniture, and everything else, around on a regular basis. It’s an inexpensive way (read: free) of redecorating.

I took a short trip to Home Improvement Hell today. If you own a home, you’ve been there and will know what I’m talking about.

We desperately need to get our house painted. We also need to have our gutters repaired and our deck repaired and refinished. And we’re quickly running out of warm weather in which to get the work done.

This spring I had a contractor out to the house and got a quote that involved stuccoing the exterior, fixing the gutters, installing a new garage door, and replacing some or all windows. I’d met the guy at the spring home show, was impressed enough to take a card and give him my contact info, and liked him even more when he came to the house and put together the quote. Over the summer The Husband and I had a series of conversations and agreed to dump the idea of stuccoing the exterior because it simply would not increase the value of the house enough to justify the expense. We agreed that painting and fixing the gutters were the two highest priority tasks. Replacing the garage door is pretty much a given to be done when the house is painted. And the question of replacing some of the windows is still up in the air — to be determined, mostly, by what the other projects will cost. With everything else happening this summer and my tendency to procrastinate, no definite steps were taken to start the project.

Then early this fall I had our handyman take down the eye-sore of a shed attached to our back deck and, as will happen, it was discovered that some minor repair work was needed on the deck. It’s also very clear that if we don’t have the deck refinished soon it will end up needing more repairs or, even worse, need to be replaced. The handyman could repair the deck but it’s not his area of expertise and since he works by the hour, not by the job, we’d most likely be better off getting a deck guy to do it.

So I finally called the contractor back in early September to try to get things moving and done before it got too far into winter. I called, left a message, and waited for a return call. Two weeks later, I call again. This time I get a call back from a secretary — she takes my name and wants to know in detail the work I want done. I tell her that it’s in reference to a quote earlier this year, that I want to make a few changes to the work we want done, and I want to make sure the numbers quoted are still good. A week later I call back. Oh, yes, he’s gotten the message, they’re really sorry they haven’t gotten back, he’ll call this Friday. Well, he didn’t call on Friday but he did call some time the next week.

Yes, he remembers me. No stucco? That’s fine; sure he remembers quoting painting and repairs as an alternative. Sure, they can fix the deck and refinish it too. He’s going to have his painter call me by the end of the week to schedule an appointment to look at the job and confirm the quote.

Painter calls a week later; he’ll come out to take a look on Wednesday. Wednesday morning he calls, can he reschedule for Friday? Sure. Friday comes, naturally I have to shuffle things with The Husband so I can be home for the appointment with the painter. Painter doesn’t show. He doesn’t call. Finally, Tuesday he calls; he’s so sorry, his wife had to be rushed to the hospital, she’s got COPD and pneumonia. Let’s make an appointment for Thursday. Wednesday I cancel; I hate to do it but I want to see The Daughter play in the District Championships. We reschedule for Sunday afternoon. Today.

The Daughter and I are shopping, finally getting things done but we have to quit before we’re done so I can be home to meet the painter. Appointment time rolls around but no one shows. Half an hour later, he calls. He’s running late. He’ll be here in two, two and half hours. Excuse me?!? I didn’t talk to him — The Daughter answered and simply took the message. Well this sucks. The Daughter and I were going to go out and finish our shopping after the appointment. We cut our errands short so I can get home, there’s not enough time to go out now, and by the time we’re done looking at the job the stores will be closed. I’m pissed.

Well, the painter finally shows. Stinking of cigarettes… and alcohol!! Are you kidding me?! I went through the paces of showing him the job; he’s mumbling and rambling and I just want to go into the house and lock all the doors. At one point he’s apologizing again for not showing up; his wife was in the hospital except this time the story involves her being attacked by a pack of dogs. Huh?! There’s not a snowball’s chance in hell I’d let this guy work on my house. Can we just go back in time and not have any of this happen?

Now I’m bummed. I’ve wasted two months trying to deal with these clowns and now I have to start the whole process of finding a contractor from the very beginning. Cr*p.

Church — $15.00
Weekly offering.

Einstein Bagels — $17.10
I knew The Son’s Supersize Me-induced soda moratorium would be short lived After all, he’s 13 and skinny as a bean pole. It doesn’t bother me any since I consider it my job to limit his soda intake. We ordered our usual Dozen Bucket Deal (13 bagels and 2 tubs of schmear), a Sprite, one chocolate mudslide cookie (for The Son), and one purple iced baseball cookie (for The Daughter — it didn’t help, the Rockies were swept by the Sox tonight — boo hoo).

Thrift Store — $31.14
The Daughter needed to shop for her Hallowe’en costume so we stopped by on the way home from church. She found a red skirt and orange turtleneck for her costume (she and a friend are doing some kind of Scooby-Doo theme) plus a black skirt for everyday wear and a cheap costume wig she’ll wear to school tomorrow. I found a pair of khakis for The Son that he’ll need to try on tomorrow to check sizing. This particular store allows returns for store credit.

Target — $15.32
The Daughter found a Beatles tee she just had to have and she picked up a pair of footless tights that she’s been wanting. She has to dress up for school on a regular basis because team members dress up on game days. I’m just happy that she’s willing to wear something on her legs under her skirts on these cold days. She’s gone over her clothing budget/allowance for the month so I’ll have to sit her down and show her the numbers and make it clear that next month’s clothing budget/allowance will be reduced by the amount she went over this month.

Naturally she found a pair of high-heeled shoes she fell in love with on the way out of the store but I was quite firm in saying no. She called her Grannie to ask for help in persuading me to change my mind and everyone had a good laugh over it. One simply cannot underestimate the value of a sense of humor when dealing with teens!

It wasn’t until this evening that I realized I’d forgotten to check to see if they’d restocked their laundry detergent aisle with Tide Free I’m about 1/2-way through my second box and will need more before too long. I hate running out. Also forgot that I needed plastic wrap again. Ugh.

I did take a look at the men’s watches in anticipation of Christmas. The Son needs a new wristwatch as his youth sized Timex barely fits around his wrist. I’d really like to get him an analog watch but he might balk at that. It’s still early enough that if I can get him into the store and just happen to be near the watch section so we might as well take a look at them, he won’t necessarily put 2 and 2 together; and even if he does he’ll have enough time to completely forget the event so that when a new watch ends up in his stocking he’ll be mildly surprised.

Shoe Store — $37.86
My first official Christmas present purchase for 2007. I bought a pair of black high-heeled shoes for The Daughter — she’s been bugging me about this particular pair of Mudd shoes for about a month now. The heels are pretty high but thick so she won’t look like she’s tottering. They’re black with open toes, a more flattering look than these silly thick rounded toes I’m seeing everywhere these days, and a wide grosgrain ribbon. The return period is 90 days so I’m safe buying them for Christmas. I’m pretty sure I figured out the size right the last time she tried them on — I have to be a lot more sneaky and devious when dealing with The Daughter than with The Son — and you never know whether she’ll still think they’re cute in another 2 months. I was thrilled to hear that the return period was long enough that I wasn’t taking an unprotected risk buying them for Christmas.

and today I made two returns:

Gap Outlet — ($37.81)
I returned the two pair of size 16 khakis I purchased for The Son last week [see entry].

Sports Authority — ($22.68)
I returned one of the two pair of basketball shorts I bought for The Daughter [see entry]. I think she’ll agree with this decision after she gets a look at her clothing budget/allowance and be glad that she’s not an additional $22.68 in the hole for a pair of shorts.

Kroger — $70.48
This should be the last big grocery trip of the month. I forgot to pick up plastic wrap (don’t you just hate it when you forget the same item 4 or 5 times in a row?). After this trip, I still have $22.15 left on my last Kroger grocery card.

• gallon of Horizon 2% milk — $4.95
• O’coco’s cookies — $3.99
• baking soda — $0.69 (saved $0.30)
• Mother’s tea cookies — $2.50 (saved $0.99)
• 2 Amy’s burritos — $4.58 ($2.29/ea.)
• Kroger’s mild cheddar — $1.67 (saved $0.82)
• Kroger’s sharp cheddar — $3.99 (saved $0.50)
• Kellogg’s Cracklin’ Oat Bran cereal — $4.34
• Mariani dried mango slices — $2.59
• Sunmaid yogurt raisins — $2.50 (saved $0.49)
• Breyer’s vanilla ice cream — $2.50 (saved $3.19)
• Breyer’s oreo ice cream — $2.50 (saved $3.19)
• Dove hair spray — $3.00 (saved $0.19) [school play costume use]
• Sunchips — $3.00 (saved $0.49)
• tomatoes — $3.99
• red cabbage — $1.30
• cucumber — $0.99
• broccoli — $2.25
• celery — $1.89
• carrots — $0.65
• green onions — $0.69
• gala apples — $3.00
• 3 sweet potatoes — $2.62
• pkg string cheese - $4.99
• byob credit (bring your own bags) — ($0.15)

Cultural Center — $8.00
One ticket (for me) to The Son’s concert. The Husband spent the evening watching The Daughter perform in her school play.

Wild Oats — $17.97
I needed tortillas so we stopped by after the concert; I gave in and bought The Son a hot sandwich and soda for dinner.

• 9 pkgs store brand tortillas — $1.19/pkg
• house-brand soda — $0.59
• baked ham & cheese sandwich — $5.99

Since starting this blog almost 2 months ago, I’ve spent quite a bit of time reading other Personal Finance blogs. It’s been fun; it’s been informative; and it’s been an eye-opening experience.

After this morning’s visit to my Google Reader, I’m come to the conclusion that I’m definitely a black sheep among the more popular personal finance bloggers. Being a black sheep does not bother me. Rather it’s the absence of voices sharing my opinions about money and my perspective on life and finances that worries me. Will all newcomers to the world of on-line personal finance advice come away with the impression that there’s only one perspective on how to relate to money?

Granted, I haven’t visited every single personal finance blog being maintained. But I’ve visited many. I make daily excursions on which I start by picking a big-name PF blog and spreading out from there by following its BlogRoll links and comment links on wildly meandering jaunts into the depths of the on-line personal finance community.

To be sure, the stories differ (I love reading these) and the writing styles differ (these are fun too) but the perspectives are becoming a bit boring, monotonous, and, as I stated, worrisome.

~o o O o o ~

Is there NO ONE out there in Personal Finance Blogdom whose ultimate personal goal isn’t to retire obscenely wealthy at 35 years of age? This obsession with retiring early is such a mystery to me. If all that you can think about is the day that you no longer have to work, you are in the wrong line of work my friend! I recommend that you take a good hard look at your priorities and your value system.

The Husband is 72. He is at this moment actively working toward retirement. But wait, before you draw a mental image of what his retirement will look like, let me explain. The Husband is the President of a Corporation. It’s a small, two-employee company (I’m the second employee) with a handful of stockholders. His version of retirement, which will most likely take another 2 to 3 years to fully implement, has him doing exactly the same work he’s doing now but without the stockholders to answer to. In other words, when The Husband retires he’ll continue to commute every day to his executive office space to do the same work he does today but he won’t have the burden of stockholders to answer to or shuffle paperwork for. My husband, like his father before him, won’t fully retire until God himself retires him.

The Husband is a product of the Great Depression and World War II. His values and work ethic reflect that. He provides for his family — that’s who he is; it’s what he does. I love that and respect that about him. He’s a quiet man. He’s a humble man. He’s a generous man. He’s a man who has twice survived cancer and is currently fighting it a third time and yet you’d never know it. He never complains. He never whines. His family is his first priority. He’s loving, and gentle, and demonstrative. He’s an involved parent; he’s changed a million diapers, wiped a million snotty noses, seen a million games, sat through a million concerts, squished into a million school desks to listen to a million teachers, spent a million hours at the kitchen table helping with homework.

If our son grows to be half the man his father is, I’ll be proud of the job we’ve done. If, as a grown man, he knows that the measure of a man is in his soul and not in his bank account, I’ll be proud.

One can work until death without working oneself to death. Isn’t there something wise said about idle hands…?

~ o o O o o ~

Someone, please tell me that I am NOT the only suburban mom who doesn’t consider DisneyWorld/DisneyLand to be the ultimate vacation destination!

Need anything else be said? We had the ultimate luxury of inheriting a condo on the Florida coast. We travelled with our children to Florida for 7 years in a row and never once considered making a stop at DisneyWorld or Epcot or any of the other theme parks in Orlando.

I used to be an eBay Powerseller. I swear to you, at least half of fellow eBay sellers I encountered on-line were involved in their efforts for the sole purpose of saving for their family’s next trek to a Disney theme park. Now I’m beginning to find the same financial goal on blogs.

It’s not so much that I judge this value — I believe very much in “to each his own” — but am I really the only suburban mother who doesn’t have a burning passion to buy that particular experience for my children?

~ o o O o o ~

And speaking of children (and this one really bothers me) I definitely appear to be a personal blogger black sheep in regard to children and money.

Am I alone in thinking that 1) children should not be paid for chores?; 2) it’s easy to teach a child to save for their own self-gratification but much harder to teach them to be truly generous?; and 3) learning to spend money is not the same as learning the value of money?

Everywhere I look PP bloggers are talking about their methods of giving children money so they can practice buying things. Isn’t it possible that this is the wrong way to go about things? I mean, come on, how difficult do we really think it is to teach a child how to save for 2 or 3 or 4 weeks until they have enough to buy themselves a coveted toy or electronic game?

I’ve got a 15-year-old nephew whose room is filled with expensive Lego sets that he has purchased for himself over the years. The most difficult challenge he’s been presented with is sharing those Legos with his younger brother. He doesn’t have a savings account and he doesn’t have any experience in spending his money on other people. When he goes to a party, him mom buys the gifts. To my knowledge, his allowance has never been spent on anyone other than himself. And I know that his situation is far from unique.

~o o O o o ~

If being frugal means consigning myself to a lifetime of self-deprivation, then count me out!!

We’re solidly into Autumn here in the Rockies which means that Winter is just a 1/2 step away. I’ve owned cheap flannel bedding before and I’ve made a personal commitment to never do so again.

I love that I can go to the grocery store and buy what I want to eat. I love using coupons and saving money on sale items but I don’t want to be controlled or feel restricted to coupon- and sale-only items.

When my children were little they were dressed entirely in thrift store finds and hand-me-downs. I’ve got nothing against thrift store clothing but rarely shop there any more. The hassles just aren’t worth it for me — allergies, clothing steeped in perfumes from detergent and softeners, having to look that much longer and harder for the right sizes and the right styles to suit the kids’ tastes.

~ o o O o o ~

I guess the truth is that personal finance is just that, personal. Blogging about my family’s finances for the past two months has brought me back in touch with my natural financial conservativeness. It has also caused me to take a good look inward and re-evaluate my values and goals as a wife and mother. After some pondering, I’ve decided that I’m content being a PF Black Sheep.

If you’re a PF Black Sheep, please give me a shout out (leave a comment) and let me know I’m not alone

School — $28.50
One month’s worth of catered hot meals (organic vegetarian) for The Daughter at school (2 meals per week for three weeks). Includes main dish, side of fruit, and juice or milk.

Costco — $2.75
The Son had pizza and a soda for lunch while I shopped.

Costco — $58.09
Today I splurged and indulged The Son’s request for a tray of Costco’s pastries. The Husband will enjoy them as well. I also made my second in-preparation-of-Christmas purchase this season — a 4-pack of sparkling apple cider. The kids and grandkids love this stuff so it flows rather freely during the Christmas party we host for all of The Husband’s kids and grandkids on the 23rd of December. Everything else is par for the course. Unfortunately, the item we specifically went to Costco for wasn’t in stock

Apparently another area Costco carries a larger supply of organic goods. It’s not as close to us but is convenient on rehearsal days. The Son will have to make do without toaster pastries until we can get up in that direction again.

• 3 cases of Horizon chocolate milk — $12.69/case
• Rudi’s Honey Whole Wheat bread — $3.15
• Udi’s San Fransisco Sourdough bread — $3.89
• 9 variety danish — $5.99
• 4-pack Martinelli’s sparking cider — $6.99

Costco Gas — $29.79
The Tank still had about 1/2 tank of gas but we were there so I figured I’d fill it up. This is going to be a busy driving weekend for us so I knew it would only be another day or two before I needed to fill up anyway. I pumped 11.162 gallons @ $2.669/gallon. My odometer reads 115,607.

[This is a big subject and I have much to say — more than I can organize into a single blog post. Below is the first of what I intend to be at least a 2-part series on the subject of allowance. This first post is an outline and explanation of my theories and thoughts about children and allowances in general. Subsequent post(s) will delve deeper into practical applications and specifics about our experience with allowances.]

If you’re familiar with my blog and have read my post about budget categories then you know that my children receive an allowance. Children and allowances has always been a fascinating topic for me; I love hearing how other people handle this issue so if you have a story/opinion to share, I hope you’ll leave a comment.

The subject of allowances was one that required a good deal of discussion and negotiation between The Husband and I because we were not of like mind. Luckily we visited the issue early (The Daughter was about 4 or 5, I think) and the ability to communicate and compromise are skills we both possess.

The fact that The Husband has four grown children and thus a lifetime of experience more than I do is, at times, both a blessing and a curse. In the case of allowances, it was more the latter. He assumed that we would handle allowances the same way he’d always handled them. I, however, had lots of ideas and ideals that were new to him. I can understand where he was coming from — why put more time and effort into something he’d already figured out? But I don’t do things that way; I believe very strongly in active and conscious parenting and I think that doing something in a particular manner just because it’s always been done that way is a terrible reason to do things.

I started from the beginning and, as always when making important parenting decisions, asked myself some questions:

1. Why should we give our children allowance?
2. Why should our children get an allowance?
3. Should allowance be tied to chores?
4. Will children be paid extra money for extra chores/work/tasks?
5. What lessons do we want our children to learn with their allowance?
6. How much freedom will the children have with their allowance? Will there be restrictions and/or requirements?
7. Will any requirements/restrictions be placed on money the children receive/earn independently?
8. How will we deal with any conflicts that occur as a result of those freedoms/restrictions?
9. What skills do we feel are essential for our children to learn about money before they leave home?
10. At what point does a minor child’s financial independence override parental power?

Naturally, my attitudes about, and past history with, money influenced by my questions and my answers. I was raised by a single mother of four children who never had enough money to go around. I started earning money at an fairly early age and achieved full financial independence earlier than any of my siblings. As a parent looking back on my relationship with my mother, I particularly needed to address my feelings about the issues addressed in Question 10.

As I mentioned, a lot of time, thought, and conversation (with friends, family, and spouse) went into the answers to these questions. In the end, The Husband and I solved our differences of opinion the way we solve all differences of opinion — we compromised and did it my way. [I could say I’m kidding but I’m not — we’ve learned to compromise by having faith in each other and going with the opinion of the spouse who has the stronger conviction that they are right.]

Why should we give our children allowance?
I never do anything because everyone else does it. If I don’t have my own personal reasons, forget it. Yes, there are lessons I want them to learn about money (outlined below) and their allowance is a good means with which to convey some of those lessons. An allowance provides the children with the means with which to practice money skills. But that is not why we give them an allowance. We give our children an allowance because they are part of our family and therefore share in the bounty of the family. It’s a sign of respect; our way of showing that our children are valued members of the family and deserving of privileges in accordance with their age and experience .

Why should our children get an allowance?
This question might appear to be simply a rewording of the first question but it’s not. As I’ve said, giving our children allowance just because other parents do is definitely not a legitimate reason. Our children’s allowance provides them with the opportunity to learn and practice various money skills in a safe and controlled environment.

Should allowance be tied to chores?
This was a biggie and it was the area in which The Husband I had the largest difference of opinion.

His opinion was probably the most common among parents: yes, allowance is tied to chores. Just like in the “real world” you do your work, you get paid. No work, no pay. Period.

I understand this logic. But I don’t agree with it. Our family is not “the real world.” And I don’t feel it’s necessary that they live under the rule of “no work, no pay” for 12-plus years prior to leaving home in order to learn that particular lesson. Life simply isn’t that linear. If we do our jobs as parents, our children will grasp the real-life concept of “no work, no pay” with no perceptible effort.

To me, chores are non-negotiable. Therefore, if you tie allowance to chores you’re setting yourself up for the inevitable conflict of a child who chooses to forgo allowance so they don’t have to perform the work. That’s a Catch-22 that I choose not to set up for myself and my children. Everyone does chores because everyone is part of the family. My children were doing chores long before they started receiving allowances. You contribute to the family because that’s what family members do and abdicating from the family is simply not an option.

Another important point regarding this issue — the reasons for chores and the lessons conveyed through the assignment of and completion of chores is completely unrelated to the lessons I hope to convey through the disbursement of allowance.

Will children be paid extra money for extra chores/work/tasks?
Believe it or not, this is the question that I’ve had the hardest time defining my position on. I’ve revisited it many times over the past years. The temptation is always there but, so far, after rethinking my position I always come down to no.

Extra work is a part of life. As adults we know that sometimes the going gets tough; circumstances change. Sometimes one family member, for whatever reason, can’t carry their usual load. Sometimes extra work falls out of the sky — just ask my children about blizzards

Being a member of a family means sometimes having to shoulder a larger portion of the burden. We might learn additional lessons; we might be given additional thanks, praise, or even extra privileges as a result of carrying a larger burden but I don’t want to set my children up to expect additional monetary compensation any time they take on an extra task.

What lessons do we want our children to learn with their allowance?
First and foremost, I wanted to give our children a taste for saving money before they acquired a taste for spending it. Secondly, it was my hope that our children would experience for themselves the adage “’tis better to give than to receive” — I didn’t want their allowances to become an exercise in self-gratification in the form of saving up for some big toy they wanted(hands-down the most common application of allowances). As parents we’ve done a bang-up job of meeting our children’s needs and nearly as good a job of meeting their wants. Their allowances were intended more for money practice, saving, and as a means of learning the art of gift-giving for parents, friends, siblings, etc.

How much freedom will the children have with their allowance? Will there be restrictions and/or requirements?
This was another biggie for me. I’ve seen this issue handled lots of different ways and heard from friends and peers about how their parents’ policies affected their personal spending habits. The answers to these questions have a direct impact on question #10 so it’s important to understand the repercussions of this policy from the very beginning.

My children absolutely do not have complete freedom with their money — though I must say that this part of my policy has never been tested to any great extent. I don’t know if this hasn’t come up because of how I handled the issue from the very beginning or if I was just lucky, but I think it’s best to know how you stand before the issue arises rather than try to decide policy on the fly. My policy is that allowance cannot be used to circumvent my household rules; if an item is forbidden in our household, it doesn’t matter whose money is purchasing it. Not allowed means not allowed.

Although I do say how money cannot be spent, I do not dictate how money must be spent. I don’t impose a minimum percentage that needs to be saved and I don’t require the children to make donations or offerings to church or other charitable organizations.

Will any requirements/restrictions be placed on money the children receive/earn independently?
The same rules apply here as they did above — circumventing household rules is not allowed no matter what the money source.

How will we deal with any conflicts that occur as a result of these freedoms/restrictions?
I’ve never been one of those parents afraid to say “because I said so.” That’s not to say that my mind is closed or that I won’t listen to well-formed, thoughtful opinions on matters. I’ve been known to change my mind after being presented with logical argument or after pondering a point and seeing flaws in my own logic. That said, the easiest way to deal with conflict is to avoid it to begin with and, thus far, we’ve been successful in avoiding allowance-related conflict by being very clear about our positions on subjects like candy, electronic games, and high-heeled shoes

What skills do we feel are essential for our children to learn about money before they leave home?
I’d like our children to be accomplished at budgeting. They should also be familiar with the ins and outs of bank books, the concepts of interest and compounded interest, and the rules for using credit wisely. I would also wish them to be careful, informed consumers. As with any subject, our deepest desire for our children is that they understand the basics and have the skills and intelligence to gain more specific knowledge along the way.

At what point does a minor child’s financial independence override parental power?
In a word, never.

It’s impossible to cross bridges until they are encountered but I feel awfully strongly that people living under my roof live by my rules. Not only that but people who are financially dependent upon me live by my rules even if they don’t live under my roof. If The Husband and I are footing college expenses, then there are still rules that have to be lived by. If you want to make all of your own decisions then you need to be able to pay all of your own bills and be living under your own roof.

In case The Daughter is reading this, that means no tattoos and no nose-piercings until you’re out of college and on your own!

So, how did you handle allowance with your children? Or, if you don’t have children, how do you think you’ll approach it? Did you receive allowance? What did you learn? Was it tied to chores?